Paragon Enterprises Corporation, hereafter also referred to as PEC, issued a summons and complaint on behalf of The People in a private prosecution against Go Smart and No Smart.

 

PEC sought a declaratory order, for all the world to see, establishing that its secret modus operandi —which enabled it to devote all its time to doing what it does best—was entirely above board, involved no criminal conduct, and exposed it to no penal sanctions, notwithstanding the unfair advantages it enjoyed over its competitors.

 

PEC secured the aforementioned unfair advantages by persuading Go Smart to do what it does best—but for and on behalf of PEC—to wit, to make PEC stand out, and to make it stand out impeccably.

 

It was predicated upon a charge laid by No Smart to the effect that Go Smart’s growth plans lead to businesses enjoying an unfair advantage over its competition in the market place, such that PEC was able to rise to the top of the daily pecking order. 

 

At the time of jury selection, No Smart managed to pack the jury with businesses in competition with PEC. Go Smart’s counsel just kept a poker face, and never objected.

 

No Smart presented its opening argument by playing the Go Smart YouTube Hero Video , aptly titled Go Smart GPS — You Are the Best, But Under the Radar — Stand Out and Fly High .

 

Promptly the judge objected to No Smart’s opening argument, based on his recollection of the protective order he had previously granted against No Smart in order to protect No Smart against making a fool of himself. No Smart successfully overruled the judge’s objection however, and was allowed to proceed.

 

No Smart then duly proceeded to present a perfect case, by playing each of the 14 Go Smart Product Videos in the PlayList on Go Smart’s YouTube channel, much to the open display of chagrin and loud wailing of everyone in the jury box.

 

No surprise, the judge filed a motion for a mistrial, based on the prejudice so clearly displayed by the members of the jury. The People, dying with curiosity to see more, vehemently and successfully opposed the motion, and summarily, such as in “forthwith”, and even before the judge could raise his gavel, dismissed the motion, impishly adding that they reserved their reasons for the ruling.

 

That allowed No Smart to present further information, also known as evidence in the legal vernacular, by clicking on—just for your information, so by the way—on nothing other than for your information .

 

OBITER DICTUM:

While the following merits a heading of its own, it is herewith mentioned just incidentally, (also known as an obiter dictum in legal parlance). And even while it is mentioned just incidentally, it actually, nevertheless and de facto caused quite an incident, as all the members of the jury gasped in unison.

 

The clerk, stenographer and bailiff stood at attention, faced the flag, and with hands held to their hearts, recited the Pledge of Allegiance, with all the members of the public in the courtroom spontaneously belting out The Star-Spangled Banner .  

 

In what was plainly a devious strategy on No Smart’s part to have the proceedings declared a mock trial, No Smart then frantically treble-clicked on mock-up . ¹⁾   The judge was not amused, and made plain that he would have none of it. Unwilling to tolerate any mocking, the judge insisted that the matter at hand was serious, and issued an order to everyone in the courtroom: “Get Real! Get The Plan !” ²⁾

 

Announcing that he was ready to dismiss the jury to the jury room for their deliberations, the judge dutifully inquired of Go Smart’s counsel whether there was anything that he wished to add. No Smart objected once again, this time on the basis that Go Smart ought not to be allowed to be represented by its Founder on the basis that—and this we know courtesy LinkedIn —he happened to have extensive legal experience, and more in particular, in trial practice.

 

Go Smart’s Founder merely said: “I rest my case!”, and then muttered, but loud enough for the judge to hear, something like “the facts speak for themselves, and the proof is in the pudding”.

 

PEC, very anxious and determined to prevail in the matter, then inquired of the judge whether Go Smart’s strategy was not effectively tantamount to an exercise of its right to remain silent and whether the court would permit Go Smart to exercise its First Amendment rights in the courtroom.

 

The judge then held that the right to remain silent is actually a right under the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution and not the First Amendment, and as a result, he was obliged to rule PEC out of order. PEC sought to amend its position, but was granted no First Amendment right to do so.

 

In the judge's charge to the jury, the judge instructed the jury to apply the common-law principles of common sense, and to apply the same to the facts, and to the facts only, in respect of which they had come to know everything there was to know. He emphasized that they were not to concern themselves with the law, of which they knew nothing, except to know that they had to comply with all the judge’s jury instructions.  

 

The judge then amplified his instructions to the jury, by explaining that the burden rested on No Smart to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that PEC would have to enjoy an unfair advantage over all its competitors in order for Go Smart to prevail in the matter, adding that the facts ought to speak for themselves and that the jury would have to implement the growth plan ³⁾ found at growth-plan , ⁴⁾ in order to reach the unbiased foregone conclusion that the proof is in the pudding.

 

The bailiff was ordered to oversee all the goings-on in the jury room, which proved remarkably easy. Nothing was going on.

 

The jurors had unanimously refused to deliberate.

 

A to-and-fro between the jurors and the bailiff then ensued. It started with a complaint.

 

"The law is an ass," declared the foreperson, citing Wiktionary as established authority.

 

"And hard cases make bad law," added another juror, citing Wikipedia as further authority.

 

The bailiff was unimpressed.

 

"The law is an ass? Don't be like No Smart."

 

He paused.

 

"Hard cases make bad law? This case is easy."

 

Another pause.

 

"On account of which it follows therefore, that the law in this case is good."

 

The jurors exchanged defeated glances.

 

One particularly smart-assed juror was not satisfied at all. And his face lit up with hope. Just a little bit.

 

"But, Mr. Bailiff” he protested, “that doesn't make any sense. That's circular reasoning!"

 

The bailiff didn't blink.

 

"Go Smart always goes full circle. And going full circle makes a lot of sense."

 

"Objection!" cried the juror.

 

"On what grounds?" demanded the bailiff.

 

"We're going around in circles!"

 

"Precisely," replied the bailiff. "Now we're getting somewhere."

 

“Wai-wai-wait!” protested yet another juror, “we started out as peers of PEC. But ever since Go Smart started to implement its GPS ⁵⁾   for PEC, PEC started to grow—and we started to shrink.

 

“Right now the gap between PEC and us is just so big, we can’t see ourselves as peers of PEC anymore. Are we not supposed to be a jury of its peers?

 

“This could be a travesty of justice, defeating the ends of justice. And if we're honest, it could be self-defeating, and mean the end of ourselves. Travesty upon travesty.”

 

With a painless expression on his face, the bailiff commented that it must be very agonizing. He was able to feel the jurors’ pain because of some personal agony he was experiencing: whilst quite unwilling to deliberate the facts, the jurors were oh-so willing to mindlessly challenge the law and anything else that came to mind.

 

The bailiff managed to hide his agony, however. He could not help but notice how the jurors had found themselves deeply challenged by common sense, which secretly caused him much glee. To the bailiff it was simple arithmetic: an expression of agony cancels out an expression of glee.

 

So, the bailiff’s face did not offer the jurors any expression at all. He was poker faced, if you will. Seemingly, he knew how to play the game.

 

Quite magnanimously, the bailiff was nevertheless willing to offer the jurors a little something though, if not an expression. He offered them a band aid—or should we say, a panacea? He counselled them to implement the plan , ⁶⁾ quickly adding sternly, “Not now! We don’t have time now. We need to get back into the courtroom.”

 

It seemed as though the jurors did not hear the bailiff. At least not about the part regarding the plan ⁷⁾ —only the part about their need to depart, because: slowly they shuffled back to the courtroom.  

 

Back in the courtroom, the foreperson was too embarrassed to return the verdict. The judge, who had a good sense of what was happening—or rather, why nothing was happening—because he saw how the jurors were sweating it. Thinking that it ought to be child’s play, he nevertheless, said:” Okay, no sweat!”, leaned forward, and smiled reassuringly at the jury, before proceeding.

 

“I know of a way we can make this very easy for everyone. Easy-peasy!

 

“Y’all can pretend you’re not on a jury anymore, but in a speech choir. And the bailiff can be your conductor. Won't that be fun?

 

“Okay now, y’all look at the conductor. Good.

 

“The one there close to the end—yes, you, the one in the pretty pink skirt—you need to look at the conductor too, okay?

 

“That’s it! Very good!

 

“And y’all can each have a gummy bear when this is over. I know the bailiff always keeps gummy bears in his drawer.”

 

(The jury glanced at the bailiff. The bailiff glanced at the jury. Then he glanced at the judge—and quickly back at the jury, but not before wondering whether he had ever disclosed the contents of his drawer to His Honor.

 

What else did the judge know?) ^{(See Stenographer’s Note)}

 

Then the bailiff nodded, and promptly the jurors rose as one. Twelve pairs of shoulders drooped. Twelve chins sank toward twelve chests. Twelve pairs of eyes sought refuge in the courtroom floor.

 

The bailiff raised his hand.

 

In a barely audible chorus, the jury delivered its unanimous verdict:

 

GO SMART

 

In an odd turn of events, with all the members of the public in the courtroom thinking that Go Smart and PEC had prevailed, the judge then proceeded by issuing an order against them. The judge ordered Go Smart to implement the plan ⁸⁾   for and on behalf of PEC, ordering PEC to enjoy all the unfair advantages so to be obtained for a period of twelve months.

 

In the meantime, no one had noticed that Go Smart had removed the bowl of pudding that the jury had just proved from the jury box, and placed it on the bench where the judge's gavel would come to land. The judge had not noticed it either. A moment later, with one mighty splash, all the members of the jury had pudding on their faces.

 

And then, as the jurors were cleaning up their faces, getting ready to exit the courtroom, one of the jurors exclaimed loudly, “Eureka! I got it! I got it!”

 

And then, in speech choir fashion, eleven other jurors could be heard: “Tell us, please tell us. Oh, pleeease tell us.”

 

“ THE PLAAAN , ⁹⁾   we just need to implement the plan ." ¹⁰⁾

 

“Of course,” replied the choir, “ THE PLAAAN ” ¹¹⁾  

 

And promptly, before exiting, all jurors whipped out their laptops, and let their fingers do the walking on their respective keyboards—not to the Yellow Pages this time, but straight to https://www.gosmart.fyi/growth-PLAN ¹²⁾ —and as the bailiff was waving his police baton, to a well-known melody, “O say, can you see? … Oh yes, we see now!” rang out loudly, filling not only the courtroom, but also the corridors and foyer.

 

Rumor has it that the singing was heard all the way out in the parking lot. ^{(See Court Reporter’s Note)}

 

Outside, reporters wanted to know from the members of the public who had witnessed all of the shenanigans in the courtroom whether there was any point in having this trial. They all agreed that it was rather pointless.

 

They then told the reporters that they really enjoyed and appreciated all the various ways in which Go Smart had made PEC stand out, and long story short—actually, it's not a long story at all, reportedly it happened rather quickly — they came to learn also that PEC was really good at what he does best, and now gave PEC all their love and support, as they proved by their presence in the courtroom.

 

One of the reporters could not hide his curiosity. “Why do you say that it was pointless, then?”

 

“Well, look at it this way.

 

Outcome sought: The obvious point of the trial was to prove that PEC, based on the unfair advantages it enjoyed over its competion, was quite evidently doing something that it was not supposed to do—which is by definition, criminal—with the objective that it would serve as a deterrent to all others.

(All in open court: deterrence on steroids.)

 

Outcome obtained: PEC was ordered to do what it was not supposed to do. Go Smart, obviously head-honcho-accomplice #1A, was ordered to aid and abet PEC. And now everyone is going to do what they’re not supposed to do. All the members of the jury have already started out doing that already, and Go Smart will be aiding and abetting all of them.

(All in open court: incentive on steroids.)

 

CRIMINAL!”

 

The reports in the papers the next day were short, crisp, and to the point:

 

Yoda—on steroids now—celebrating his new legal standing:

 

Do not try Go Smart.

 

DO GO SMART!

 

^{(See PS)}

 

 

¹⁾   Take care not to think it's just a mock-up. While it is on the one hand, it is not on the other.

It provides a real picture. A real picture of a true mock-up. Real insights nevertheless.

Invaluable insight into nothing at all, in a way. Into a business that doesn't exist.

The judge heard what you were thinking.

"I want insight into my own business."

Judge:"Yes, of course. Read the mock-up. Then keep on reading. Or go straight to your plan."    

COURT'S RECORD OF STRIKES

²⁾    Strike 1.

³⁾   Strike 2.

⁴⁾    Strike 3.

⁵⁾    Strike 4.

⁶⁾    Strike 5.

⁷⁾    Strike 6.

⁸⁾    Strike 7.

⁹⁾    Strike 8.

¹⁰⁾ Strike 9.

¹¹⁾   Strike 10.

 

¹²⁾   Strike 11. THE COURT HAS HAD ENOUGH!

 

You!

 

Yes, you. Still reading?

 

The jury has returned. The verdict is in. The pudding has been served. Orders issued.

 

And you're still thinking the Court's Record of Strikes is strikes from the Court's record ?

 

No, no, no.

 

Rules are rules—much more so in a court of law.

 

Three strikes, you're out. Eleven strikes, and counting?

 

And you still haven't implemented the plan? [Strike 12]

 

The Court wasn't counting on that.

 

But the Court is still counting. As you can see.

 

And you're still not executing.

 

What are you waiting for?

 

IMPLEMENT THE PLAN! [Strike 13]

 

https://www.gosmart.fyi/growth-PLAN [Strike 14]

 

Justice is to be blended with mercy, yes.

 

But fourteen strikes?

 

MERCY NO MORE.

 

You're in contempt.

 

BAILIFF!

 

 

Stenographer's Note: ^*a)

 

The bailiff, ever so sure that he had mastered the art of popping gummy bears during proceedings with perfect sleight of hand ^*b) , inquired of the stenographer as to how the judge might know about the gummy bears. The stenographer replied:

 

“Oh, Bailey, if only you would care a little less about the color of the gummy bear you’re popping, you know. Then your little self-indulgence would be less conspicuous.”

 

Then it dawned on the bailiff:

 

·      When Go Smart gets you noticed: INCREASED RETURN

 

·      When popping gummy bears gets you noticed: DIMINISHED RETURN

       (Even the 2.5 lb packs never last as long as they ought to.)

 

Bailiff: “Hey, Stennie …”

And then: “Never mind”

 

He carefully collected a DNA sample from his pack of gummy bears. The verdict was in. The lab reports weren't. Not yet.

 

^*a) This note does not form part of the record. ↩

^*b) Or is it slight of hand? Hmmm? The bailiff wouldn’t say. ↩

↩

 

Court Reporter's Note:

 

The Court Reporter has neither confirmed nor denied the rumors concerning the singing allegedly heard in the parking lot.

↩  

 

PS: ONE LAST MATTER—FOR THE RECORD

 

Spread the love!

 

Spread the love of money!

 

Love of money?

 

Sorry. Strike that.

 

From the record.

 

Just spread the love!

 

Tell a friend.

 

Tell your favorite chiro—even if he hurts you.

 

Tell your favorite HVAC guy. You want to be cool, not sweating it. He keeps you cool, not sweating it.

 

Get the drift?

 

Just tell everyone.

 

OK, not everyone. Not your competition. Not Smart.

 

Spread the word. Spread the love.

 

And the money will go around.

 

SMART!

 

↩